GoDaddy

Although the site’s name sounds like it could be the title of the latest Reality Kings ddlg or incest kink series, Go Daddy has been around long before Reality Kings. Actually, I wouldn’t be shocked in the slightest if I heard that the biggest porn sites of today, like Reality Kings and Brazzers, used Go Daddy at one point or another to either host their site or purchase their domains.

In short, there is not a bigger name in the web hosting and domain selling space than Go Daddy. As of June 2020, Go Daddy reported that it had more than 20 million active customers and 7,000 employees around the world. The name, though, surprisingly has nothing to do with porn, believe it or not – though I’m sure that the sexual connotations probably have played some role in the company’s unrivaled success as a web host and seller of domains. We’re all nothing but a bunch of horny fucks at the end of the day.

The name dates back to 1999 when a group of Jomax Technologies employees were brainstorming a name change for the company. Reportedly, one employee said, “hey, what about Big Daddy?” This domain name, though, was already owned. In response, the company’s founder, Bob Parsons said, “how about Go Daddy?” The name was available, so Parsons bought it. And the rest is history.

This may not seem like the most interesting story in the world (it has far too few tits in it, for one thing), but I always thought it was kind of cool that the story behind naming Go Daddy illustrates the same process that so many companies go through today when naming their companies, checking Go Daddy to see if their desired domains are available.

There’s no denying the fact that Go Daddy has, indeed, become the Big Daddy of the web hosting space. Few companies even come close to rivaling the site’s 80 million domains that it manages. However, as I’m sure many of you often rationalize to yourselves, bigger isn’t always better.

Although this is a common lie when it comes to dick size (I mean, just watch any porno for proof), there is plenty of validity to it when it comes to businesses. Just because 20 million+ people choose to use Go Daddy for their web hosting needs doesn’t necessarily mean that Go Daddy is the best web hosting site for your or your business. There are easily 20 million dumb fucks in the world (I would wager the number is actually much higher). The only way to know for sure if Go Daddy is your best bet is to take a closer look at everything Go Daddy has to offer, how much it costs, and how it stacks up against the competition.

Let’s get the bullshit out of the way … how much does Go Daddy cost?

Well, this question is not as easy to answer as it may seem. This is because of the sheer number of services that Go Daddy offers and the great variation in price when it comes to domain name purchasing. Also, what kinds of unique services and specs that your site will require, how big you want your site to be, and how many people need to have admin access to your site. All of these factors (and more) create a very disparate look at Go Daddy’s price tags.

Shared hoe-sting

Let’s begin with the basics, though. Go Daddy’s shared hosting starts at just $5.99 per month when you purchase the 3-year plan. It will cost you $8.99/month upon renewal (slippery fucks). The most basic shared hosting plan gets you 100GB of storage, unlimited support for 1 site, 10 databases, and unmetered bandwidth. There are a couple of fun little perks that you won’t find on most other web hosting sites as well, including 5GB of Microsoft Office 365 email per year for free and a free domain name when you purchase certain yearly and longer-term plans.

At first glance, this seems like a pretty decent deal, does it not? Before you buy the coke and order the hookers for your company launch party, though, consider some of the notable features that Go Daddy does not offer. For one thing, there is no SSL certificate included in any of these plans. Considering the fact that many of Go Daddy’s competitors – such as Blue Host, Host Gator, and In Motion – now offer a free Let’s Encrypt SSL certificate with even their most basic (read: cheapest) accounts, Go Daddy comes off a little stingy by comparison.

I should also note that these other hosting sites tend to be cheaper overall as well. Host Gator, for instance, offers what they call a Hatching Plan, which supports one website with unmetered storage and a free SSL. This plan will only run you $2.75 per month (for the first 3 years), renewing at $6.95. That being said, if you have the money to splurge, Go Daddy does offer the premium hosting experience; if you were buying a blowjob, your balls and taint would not go neglected; let’s just put it that way.

Take Go Daddy’s Ultimate Plan, for instance. With this plan, you get unlimited website support (no matter how many sites you host), infinite disk space and several databases. You also get unmetered bandwidth (of course), high-end DNS management services, and a free SSL certificate (through Go Daddy themselves) for one year.

This is going to put you back $12.99 each month, though. That’s just for the first year. Go Daddy’s Ultimate Plan renews at a whopping $16.99 per month after that. For the sake of comparison once more, Host Gator’s comparable Business Plan offers everything that you get from Go Daddy’s Ultimate Plan, but also adds in a dedicated IP address, just for shits and giggles. Host Gator’s plan only costs $7.95/month annually (or $5.95 if you opt into the 3-year plan), and it renews at $16.95.

So, although Go Daddy is far from the cheapest option on the block, it is a known, trusted, and well-respected name in the industry. It may not be ideal for smaller businesses that are just getting started (as we’ve laid out, there are much cheaper alternatives), but if you have the capital, considering Go Daddy’s range and quality of unique services and features, it is definitely a web hosting site to have on your radar. Look at it this way, you can either fuck the discount crack whore from down the street, or, for a much higher price, you can have a classy VIP, high-end escort from a reputable agency. Either way, make sure you wrap it up!

Does Go Daddy have any features worth knowing about?

This is where Go Daddy really stands out, if you ask me, in its range of products and features. I don’t know if I will have time to list all of them today (my woman needs a good fucking), but I’ll do my best. Like I said, Go Daddy has a fuck ton of features to offer, which may make it worth their exorbitant fucking fees.

Web Dashboard

Go Daddy’s intuitive layout and web dashboard make it easy and simple to manage your websites, make quick changes, and monitor your data and plan. The dashboard is neat and effective. There are no confusing menus or icon-heavy panels to navigate. Instead, quickly find all of the products that you have access to in a convenient and easy to read list. If you like a dashboard that is pared back and understated, Go Daddy will provide the perfect workspace for you. However, if you prefer lots of graphics and clutter, fuck off to another web-hosting site.

Create a website

If you want to make your site with WordPress on your Go Daddy account, this is incredibly easy to do. Once you sign up and register your domain and web hosting account, you will find an optional “create a website” button. As far as options are concerned, though, the site-building features on Go Daddy are somewhat limited.

Performance

Go Daddy offers one of the fastest and most reliable web hosting services – or so they say. From doing a little bit of sniffing around on the internet (yeah, I take breaks from porn every once in a while), I was able to figure out that, yes, these claims are, in fact, backed up by the site’s performance. Go Daddy had 100% uptime, no outages, and fast load speeds on most independent test metrics.

So, what the fuck’s up? Do I use Go Daddy or not?

Go Daddy is a great choice for established or well-funded businesses. It is quick and easy to use and it is as trusted as it is respected. However, as far as getting the best bang for your buck is concerned, smaller businesses would be wise to continue the search.