Upwork

Up Work! Well, well, if it isn’t the digital world’s most productive wildfire – Upwork. I’ve seen other impressive commercial sites before, but Upwork definitely takes the cake. They weren’t the first, they aren’t the last, but they do appear to be the absolute best at what they do. – They bring together people who need work done with people who need to get paid for doing work. It’s a simple enough concept. This entire website exists thanks to the concept of a finder’s fee. In a way, this is a site that’s built around the idea of profiting from other people’s work. But, we don’t judge the finder’s fee. It’s an age-old concept. After all, when you’re looking for a job, you’re more than willing to sacrifice a percentage of your earnings, provided someone can actually help find you a job. That’s how desperation works.

It kind of sounds like I’m ragging on Upwork. That really wasn’t my intention. I guess I’m in a mood. Capitalism works and Upwork is solid proof of that. The site’s been growing at a terrifying pace since day one and they’ve currently got over twelve million freelancers on there. So, it’s safe to say that if you need anything done, you’ll find the right person for the job on Upwork. They cast a wide-ass net. If there’s a job that can be performed remotely, they have listings. On top of that, they’re pretty buyer-biased, so if you’re on there to order a service from a freelancer, you’ll be treated like a king.

Finding Your First Worker

You head on over to Upwork, you make a profile and you enter your personal information along with some banking info. You’re also free to use PayPal if you want shit to flow smoother and faster. Then, you create a job posting and everything after that is just smooth sailing. You’ll immediately be bombarded with offers by too many people to count. You’ll ideally sort them by top contributor – that means that you’ll see the site’s golden boys first. Everyone else will float off to page 2 and probably die in a hurricane.

But that doesn’t matter. What matters is, you’ve probably found your boy. Check the top 10 best offers and consider your budget. They’ll likely bid differently. Please, don’t make your decision based on the actual bid, though, unless it’s something really outstanding. Also, keep in mind that a minuscule bid is actually worse than a maximal one. If they undervalue their own efforts, they probably aren’t worth hiring. You ideally want someone down the middle, but make your decision based on past experiences.

Check some of their reviews. Don’t just look at the star ratings; look at the actual words that people have said about them. Try to find someone with a pulse, if you know what I mean. You’re not just looking for someone who will open and shut the case. You want an actual human being that you can direct and micro-manage as far as necessary, so that the job doesn’t have to be redone once they’ve finished it.

Be Clear and Concise

The worst part of hiring an online freelancer is realizing they have no idea what they’re doing. But, what if you hire someone great? What if you hire an absolute pro, someone you’d really like to hire again except… they manage to biff the job because you weren’t clear enough? What if they did everything you told them to, but you realize that you can’t delegate for shit? Well, that’s what this paragraph is for, my dude.

When you’re putting together a task on Upwork, whether it be for your porn web empire or for your personal day to day, you want to be as clear as you possibly can. You don’t necessarily have to put the details of the task in the public section of the posting. You can prepare some sort of PowerPoint presentation or maybe a few bullet points to outline exactly what you wish to see. Then, when you’re deliberating with potential hire, show them the plan and see what they think. Ask them a couple of questions. Try to see if they share your vision.

Speaking the Language of Artists

If you’re hiring any sort of creatives, you have to measure twice, cut once, then think again, then reconsider, because you probably don’t know how to talk to them. Most web development and design projects burn in hell because someone wasn’t being clear enough. A client might ask for a fast and responsive website, but what does that really mean for the end product? You could say you want the whole thing to be a particular shade of orange, but what if you’re colorblind and the entire thing ends up looking like dogshit?

You might think I’m being hyperbolic, but these are actual problems that happen every single day. Working with creatives is hard, because they’re gifted and you’re not. So you have to either trust them fully, or instruct them so carefully and meticulously that they don’t stray from your vision.

I’ve actually seen web development projects that failed time and time again over several months, with re-dos that just kept getting worse and worse. One, in particular, stands out. What should have been a two-month gig, turned into a three-year project. The client kept asking for alterations to the design. The developers acquiesced, even though they were fuming mad about the whole thing.

After three painstaking years, they took version 1.0, which was already done during the first year and they rolled with it. It was an absolute nightmare and a complete waste of everyone’s time. Thankfully, this wasn’t my project; I’m smarter than that. In fact, this did happen to a close friend of mine and it happened because he didn’t know how to delegate or communicate his vision. Think about this long before you start writing up your posting. Seriously.

Time Tracking, Pricing and Not Being a Prick

I’ll just come out and say it, don’t time track your freelancers, ever. It’s the dumbest shit ever and it serves no purpose. It’s a waste of everyone’s time and it’s an all-around insult. Forcing a grown-ass adult to use time tracking software while they work on your marketing or your website is tantamount to putting a five-year-old in a dunce cap and making them stand in the corner. You have a project, you have expectations and you have demands. You are paying for the end goal here. There is no need to stare into the worker’s soul while they’re painstakingly working on improving your business for you. They’ll either finish the job on time and you’ll pay them or they won’t and you’ll get your money back. It’s that simple.

Besides, all the Upwork top dogs are unlikely to screw you on purpose. Chances are, if they accept a deadline, they’ll meet their deadline. I know I’ve never had a problem with Upwork freelancers. They did what I asked of them and they got paid. Time tracking software is an insult to nature and it should be blasted into space never to be seen again.

No Shortage of Controversy

All right, let’s get into the greasy details and the dirty underwear. Upwork, like most other online marketplaces, has its share of controversies. Unlike other online platforms, no major publications or corporations seem to be speaking out about this. Well, I’m an independent reviewer, so I can call it like I see it. Hell, when Fiverr went off the rails, everyone and their grandmother were lining up to give them a stern talking-to. Why not do the same with Upwork? It’s only fair.

They have a very notorious history with uhm… permanently banning freelancers from their site, preventing them from ever working on Upwork again. Honestly, this wouldn’t be much of a problem if they weren’t such a fucking monopoly. There simply isn’t another freelancing site that comes close to having the volume that Upwork pulls on a regular basis. They’re monopolizing and they’re throwing people overboard, without a moment’s notice.

Don’t Get Booted

I’m not kidding. If they ban you from the site, you don’t get a warning. You don’t even get a notification telling you why you were banned. They just tell you that you were banned and that they’ll never reply to any of your messages, ever again. It’s like being excommunicated from digital society. It’s a fucking nightmare. And what’s worse is there are countless testimonies from reputable freelancers who state that they were booted from the site for not “looking like themselves during Skype calls”.

Apparently, Upwork does random spot checks on people’s faces to ensure there’s no identity theft going on. Except, they suck at it so much, they’re literally booting people for being too ugly… or too attractive. Again, I’m not making this up. This shit happens on the daily. If you’re ugly on your ID and sexy on Skype-cam, you can kiss your Upwork account goodbye, my friend.

Still, they’re the biggest freelance marketplace out there and they’re clearly going to be around for a very long time, so using them to find decent freelancers is kind of unavoidable. Just make sure to follow every single fine print under their terms and conditions, lest you get banned for life with no justification.