Vendo Services

There’s a reason Vendo Services are only at number 10 of my recommended payment processing sites. First of all, they’re not an adult payment processor, per se – they just support adult services. They’re vetted, and I know that I can comfortably list them. That being said, they confuse the ever-living fuck out of me. I don’t understand why they feel the need to break out in eccentric niche marketing that has to do with AI. They talk about it all the time. That’s their entire fucking landing page. Secondly, I am not entirely sure how this distinguishes them from other payment processors.

When I look for a payment processor, I want to know that my money will get from point A to point B without me having to lift a finger. It also helps knowing I’m not going to get scammed along the way. Now, is Vendo Services giving me that kind of service? Yes, probably, I have no idea. I haven’t exactly tried them out myself, but they seem legitimate, from what I can tell. They have some decent reviews, and the customers seem to be satisfied. I wish I had some personal information to provide.

They’re distinct and unique. The AI crap sticks out. I don’t know what to make of it. I checked out a full-length tutorial demo on YouTube that they’ve put up, and I still don’t exactly know what the point of this whole AI business is. How exactly does AI make payment processors better? Do they AI their way into more profits? How? Well, that’s what I’m going to be digging into. I’ve got my shit sorting gloves on, lest I get shit on my fingers, and I’m diving right into this complicated mess. I’m sure they’re not actually shit-stained. I’m sure they’re the bees’ knees and whatnot. I just wish they did a better job at explaining what the fuck they do.

AI Powered Payment Analysis

These days everything needs to be analyzed - statistically - so that you can squeeze every last drop of possible improvement out of your profit pipeline. I get the logic behind it. Since the Stone Age, we’ve been reducing people to numbers when marketing and charging for blowjobs. But, when it comes to payment processing specifically, I never would have dreamt of seeing AI-powered statistical implementations for improvements, and dear god, this is such a long-ass sentence. But it’s a complicated-ass system, and there’s a lot to unravel.

They have a long-form video on YouTube under their channel, and if you’re considering signing up with them, I’d recommend that you check the whole thing out. It’s dry as fuck and boring as hell, but it offers you an inside look into what their platform provides. It’s about as systematic as any other statistical performance dashboard. If you’ve ever done Google Ads or measured the effectiveness of your ad campaigns, you’ll be familiar with the setup, even though it has nothing to do with ads, per se.

Automated, Personable, Likable

I managed to find one other thing that makes Vendo stick out ahead of most of their competitors, other than the AI usage, I mean. They’re incredibly personable. They have their CEO or some such slapped on every single promotional material they’re running. I don’t know if this guy’s a paid actor or if he’s genuinely running the company, but I like him. He’s got a strong jaw and deep blue eyes. I don’t mean that in a gay way. I mean, it’s nice to see the actual people behind the product talking about how the product works. They had a PR release back in 2020 regarding their automated integration with WooCommerce, and the dude straight up filmed a minute-long announcement about it.

They could just as easily have made some sort of animated textual video with a voice-over, but no, they had the damn leader of the company make a full-ass speech in front of his webcam, showing off his dank-ass beard in the process. This is the kind of marketing approach that inspires confidence. Hell, I’d buy a product from this guy even if it turned out to suck ass, just because he had the confidence to show me his face. I like it when dudes show me their faces. I like it almost as much as when women spread their legs open for me. It’s a matter of principle and respect.

Resources and Implementation

I mentioned that they auto-integrated with Woo, but what about all of the popular platforms in the porn community that aren’t automatically integrated with Vendo? Well, you’ve got a fucking codebase on their site that’s just waiting for some second-rate developer with greasy-ass hands to dive into and figure the fuck out.

It’s not exactly complicated stuff; it’s just really long. You should be familiar with Vendo’s backend structure if you’ve worked with any payment processor with manual integrations in the past. It’s all built around web-oriented POST messages. In other words, you don’t need a programming background; you only need to know your way around POST requests. You post the request, get a response, and make sure the tokens are getting through and the payment is processed. Naturally, they provide all of the security features needed to protect people’s credit card information and the like.

That’s sort of the point of using a payment processor instead of cashing people’s checks manually.

Supported Payment Methods

I have no fucking clue what payment methods are supported by Vendo because they go way out of their way not to fucking advertise them. It boggles my mind as to why they would do this. Payment methods are sort of the point of payment processors. I can tell from the documentation that they at the very least support some credit cards and also SEPA payments. I would guess that means that you get VISA and MasterCard coverage, but you can’t quote me on that. Look, chances are they support every payment method under the sun, but they don’t tell me. I don’t even see an FAQ, for crying out loud. It’s all buried in the code.

They talk about the fucking AI shit so much that I tend to forget that this is a website for a payment processor and not some sort of second-layer analysis tool. Their web marketing needs work, and they need clearer landing pages. That being said, I like the fact that they’re Swiss and they operate out of Switzerland. That means that you can’t question their legitimacy. It’s enough for me to rest easy. I trust these guys. I just don’t like their marketing approach.

Worth a Shot

We’re finally down to talking about brass tacks. You have to try Vendo yourself to figure out whether they’re better than the rest and in what way. You also have to milk that these kinds of companies are bending over backward to acquire your cooperation. So, hit up their open lines and mob them with all of your questions. That’s what their support is there for, after all. Ask them about their fees, their payment methods, and most of all, their compatibility with your particular business format.

I know that they’re adult-friendly, but that doesn’t guarantee that they’ll be a natural fit for your site. Just tell them what kind of business you’re in exactly. If your website is already live, all the better. Have them check it out themselves and tell you whether they like your style. If they do, they’ll be all over you, trying to get your business. Then, weigh their offer against offers you get from their competitors. It’s just the best way to do business.

My two cents are that I’d love to see what AI analysis can do for my payment processing, whether there’s any potential for an increase in profits or a decrease in pointless expenditures. I will, however, admit that I can’t think of any way that AI can improve that part of the pipeline. My profits are either enhanced by better reviews or the discovery of better pussy. That’s what I do. As for your earnings, well, try Vendo’s services, take them up on their promises and find out whether they can truly give you a significant boost to the old dollar sign. I’m curious to see how you fare. Good luck.