XMerchant

Porn is considered to be a high-risk merch. The adult business is a tough environment, making poor webmasters not only think about the content but other processes like payments. Webmasters are constantly on the lookout for finding neat, simple, safe options to help them along the way. That is where xmerchant.com comes into play.

I have decided my life to porn, whether it is reviewing uber-kinky tube joints or giving tips to adult webmasters. I understand all of the fuck-ups that the biz brings, and I have decided to help one more time. I am gonna tell you everything there is to know about xmerchant.com, the payment processor offering direct merchant accounts. Sound cool? By the end of this review, you are gonna love it even more! Moving on with details.

What the fuck is a merchant account?

It's time for you to grow up and stop relying on me for every single thing! Google is your friend! Ok, ok, I am gonna tell you what a merchant account is, and ignore the fact that you are a lazy mothafucker! So, the banks have always frowned upon the porn business because these transactions are seen as high-risk ones. Xmerchant.com points out the fact that for over a decade, there were only two banks in the USA that accepted to deal with adult merch. The time for a change has finally come!

Xmerchant.com is proud to note that it is the first payment processor in over a decade to have direct communication and collaboration with a U.S. bank that doesn't mind dealing with adult stuff and adult webmasters. Basically, if you are selling or buying anything that is considered to be high-risk goods, you should set up a merchant account on xmerchant.com. It is a kind of a business account allowing you to accept and send payment via your debit or credit card or electronic transfers. This merchant account is actually a link between your website and the person who makes the payment or receives a payment from you. I am a fucking genius! Moving on!

How to set up a merchant account on xmerchant.com

Established high volume merchants get the lowest discount rates - if this message doesn't convince you to set up an account on xmerchant.com, nothing will! You know, as a webmaster, you need to look at the big picture and find the easiest possible way towards success. Despite the common belief that porn biz is all tits and asses, the webmasters that want to succeed in this tough market need to focus on user experience and content. This is exactly why I choose to present xmerchant.com today! Now it is time to cut the crap! These are the required fields!

Enter your username, fuckers! Business name, email address, and phone number are also required. In the industry type field, enter porn, adult website, gambling...how the fuck should I know?! The business URL is next, and that's about it! It sounds simple, but there are some limitations. A new high-risk account needs to go through a kind of a verification process, which can take up to 15 days. 7 to 15 days is what xmerchant.com says, but you should always count on the worst possible scenario.

Xmerchant.com doesn't work with shady creeps, newbies, or wannabees. Yeah, you won't be allowed to work with xmerchant.com unless you have been in the business for at least two years. I dig the idea, and I think it's a common-sense solution, but then again, the newbie webmasters will need to put up with this discrimination and wait for some time before they create a merchant account here.

Let me tell you something! I have seen superb adult websites that haven't spent a whole year in the biz! Xmerchant.com notes that a business needs to have perfect credit to apply for the account. Your chargeback ratio for the past three months must not exceed 1% of your monthly volume, or xmerchant.com won't do business with you.

The discount rate is also important

The discount rates start at 4.25% for high volume merchants, and this is something you should bear in mind while considering whether to choose xmerchant.com or not. When it comes to the front-up fees, you will be dealing with the standard high-risk merchant ones imposed by Mastercard and Visa, but you won't have to pay any kind of fees until your merchant account is all set up. Bored with this shit already?! So am I? How about I tell you what high-risk merch is?!

Adult websites! I am talking about supreme, hot, high-quality videos featuring bomb-ass sluts! You wank off to oblivion and can't resist the urge to go premium or buy the clip on one of those "pay and download" joints. This is the porn website visitor’s perspective. From the webmaster's point of view, you create smut, you collect smut, set up a price, and watch your bank account balance hitting the roof! You are elated, happy, and thankful to xmerchant.com! Yeah, I am exaggerating, and screwing around, but I want to depict the whole range of feelings you are gonna feel once you choose xmerchant.com as your partner! C'mon now, don't make me come back to that boring deposit rate fee shit!

Fun ways to use the high-risk merchant account

You live and learn! If it wasn't for xmerchant.com, I wouldn't know that bail bond money can be paid online. Whoa, buying cannabis online is another genius idea! There's a thought! You buy a bail bond to your homie, welcome him with a joint, and buy him a hooker. I don't know if the street hoes are considered a merchant, and if there is one thing I hate is sounding like a judgmental, chauvinist prick! You know me, a gentle soul in a body of a sex machine!

I don't think that the bail bond is a good combination with firearms, but I guess it depends on how brave you are! Oh, there's something for chicks! Horoscopes and online dating! If you are a webmaster running some astrology shit, you want to allow the brainless chicks to make payments. Capricorns are big-dicked, and Leos are great pussy lickers, you know, the things that chicks want to know about! Online gambling, travel, video chat sites, and more! This is what xmerchant.com sees as high-risk payments, and I see it as pure paradise! Risky, yeah, but damn exciting!

Back to the boring part

Yeah, I know that xmerchant.com is a serious website that helps webmasters! Keep reading, fuckers! Use any gateway, control your own approvals, and have a direct relationship with the processing bank. The bank works with adult webmasters, treating them the way they should be treated. The monthly money volume is unlimited, and the discount rate is fucking awesome! Can we go back to the cannabis part now?!

Another cool thing is that with xmerchant.com, you will have experienced tech support agents at your disposal whenever you get stuck in the process. Your options are to send an email and wait for a response or get in touch with an agent via phone. The one thing I didn't like is that the tour page is rather uninformative, bland, and unattractive. Yeah, the list of merchandise is there, as well as a cool FAQ section, but I have to admit that nothing about the page pops. Hey, maybe my mind has been damaged by too many smut pages, and now everything else looks like shit to me!

Final thoughts

Xmerchant.com seems like a straightforward deal, but the thing is that you are gonna need some time to truly understand how it works. That is why I prefer stuff like live chat support when it comes to these things, but I guess that nobody is perfect. Xmerchant.com sounds like a fair deal and, most importantly, a deal that is sure to make your webmaster's life a whole lot easier.

As a porn webmaster, you have other things to do than worry about the payments, right? Your job should be finding hot sluts, exciting content and good anal scenes (that is what I hope you are doing)! Do your fucking thing and leave the dull payment processing to xmerchant.com! You know it makes sense! See ya!