Trello

If you’ve ever seen what the default Trello board looks like, you might be thinking to yourself: What the fuck is ThePornDude doing talking about a bulletin board with columns on it and how the hell is this going to help me build my porn empire? Well, simmer down, because I’m about to mansplain the details to you. Trello is easily my favorite organizational tool out there, because sites like Asana used to give me a headache back in the day before Trello came in and made planning easy. Any porn empire worth its salt is going to have a lot of employees or, at the very least, a lot of tasks that need to be delegated. Hell, you might even be working all on your own and you’d still need Trello to get your empire off the ground. Why? Well, because this is the simplest tool on the internet for writing down your tasks, tracking your progress and passing memos around regarding the work you do.

So, let me float you a hypothetical. Say you’re working on a brand new website that you made, for yourself, with some outside input. Then, you get a team of web developers on retainer. It’s their job to make sure that your site is in tip-top shape at all times so that people from around the world can jack off around the clock. This is no small task. You need to track these developers. And, you also want to make sure your marketers are on top of their game. On top of all that, you want to remember to do something nice for your girlfriend once in a while so that she doesn’t leave you for a man with a bigger cock. Trello is the one-stop solution for all of your problems.

It’s Painfully Simple

I wasn’t lying when I said that sites like Asana used to drive me insane. I actually hopped onto Trello when I saw a friend of mine using it to plan out some coding shit he was into at the time. I saw the damn thing, I asked what it was about and how it worked and he explained. You got shit to do and you got categories of shit. But, none of it is prewritten. Hell, when you first jump into the site, you get an empty bulletin board with limitless potential.

Then, you decide what kind of categories you need. Maybe you want to divvy up your work into sexy, non-sexy and partly sexy. Maybe, you’re a nerd and you’ll title your categories depending on their urgency. So, one column for the shit that has to be done ASAP and a few others for shit that can wait. You get the gist of it. You make your own categories.

Jotting Down Tasks

Within those categories, you plop down some tasks, every single time you think of one. This can be anything from remembering to walk your dog, to reminding your web developers to update your site’s color scheme because some two-bit copy cats are stealing ideas from your splash page. Everything productive that you do on an average day can and should go onto your Trello board.

Hell, you can even schedule your faps on the damn thing. I know I do. But you might be thinking that if you put both your faps and your dog walking and your work responsibilities onto one Trello, that this might be a bit… inappropriate? After all, all of your employees and contractors can see everything you do, right? Wrong.

Privacy Control

After the painful simplicity, this is the second-best part of Trello. Everything that you do across your entire goddamn account has built-in privacy control that you can fiddle with on several layers. It reminds me a lot of Discord’s design, if you’ve ever used that software. In short, everything can have several privacy settings as well as specific tags and you can further divide your bulletin board into sections. So, the marketing team can have their own section. Your porn producers can have another. Your suppliers and colleagues a third and so on.

Then, you can also drop in a solo board for your personal shit like fapping and booty calls. No-one gets to see anything they are not allowed to see. On top of that, you can even limit the amount of shit they can do within a specific board that they have access to. So, you decide whether they can change shit, add shit or just view shit. Trello lets you do it all and the interface is piss simple. I am blown the fuck away by how useful this thing is and how simple it is to use.

It’s Extremely Extensible

Starting to use Trello is all well and good if you’ve never been in digital business before, but what if you’ve already got shit underway and you’re using other services like Slack or Google Drive? Surely, you’re not expected to copy and paste all your shit from one form to another. Well, no, you’re not, actually. All of that shit can be automatically pulled into Trello, in just about any format you’d like.

You see, the damn platform comes with a ton of scripting potential that lets you get away with just about anything you might want to do. The site itself lets you upload 10MB per file and attach that shit to your cards. You know, the ones that go on the bulletin board. But, what if you want to upload an entire 10GB video of some girl taking a cock up her snatch? Well, 10MB won’t cut it. Even the paid version of Trello only allows for like 250MB. So, you upload that shit onto your corporate Google Drive and link it straight within the actual Trello card.

Tons of Plugins

In the same way that WordPress has a plugin library, Trello has what they call a Power Up library. These are basically add-ons for your Trello that you can use as much as you’d like, free of charge, but there’s a bit of a caveat. You only get one power up per free account, so you might want to spring for a corporate subscription. We’ll dive into that a bit more later. Right now, we’re on the plugins. What are they for? Well, anything you can think of, really.

Whether it’s Slack integration or a direct connection to your marketing metrics, they’ve got it all. You can even build in alarms that connect to other services so that you get regular updates in the real world. You could hook up your car stereo to Trello with a bit of elbow grease. That’s how extensible this thing is. Hell, I’d wager to bet that if you had a programmable cat feeder, you can even feed your cat straight from the reminder card. That’s insane.

The Free Version

All right, here comes the painful part. Paying for Trello is absolutely a great idea. Their prices are low. But, I know a lot of you like free shit and I’m here to sort of … curb your enthusiasm. The free version does indeed come with infinite space for your bulletin boards with lists and cards and what have you. You can even add other people to your team and cooperate. It’s all free. However, you can only upload files that are up to 10MB in size, which is kind of lame. That means you’re limited to posting documents and small images. That’s weak, considering you’re trying to build a porn empire.

Further down the line, you’re looking at only 10 team boards in the free version as well as only one power-up. If you’re looking to make use of Trello’s extensibility, you’re going to need a lot more power-ups than that. I think this is roughly the worst part of the free version, if I’m being honest. There’s also a limit on their automation system that they call Butler. You can basically just run one automated task at a time and that’s that. There’s also a limit on the number of times that task can be run. The current limit is 50, so that's basically a free demo. You can’t use that shit for serious business.

The Paid Version

There are two paid brackets. One is business class; the other is called enterprise. The business license costs $10 a month, billed annually. The enterprise-class is a bit… strange, in that they charge you $17,50 per month for 20 users, down to $7,38 for 5000 users. You can also make a special request if you need even more than that. Although, I really don’t think that’s necessary. You have to check the finer details yourself and decide the scope of your operation, but personally, I’d spring for a business class account. That’s what I’m currently on, but I’m just one guy.

Trello is a must have tool for building your porn empire and I wholeheartedly recommend that you check it out. You won’t be disappointed. It’s a real productivity booster.