WP Rocket

Have you noticed that your WordPress site is slower than Ron Jeremy’s attempts at getting a hard-on nowadays? Even worse, has your site’s analytics shown that people are actually leaving your site? If that’s the case, then you need to do something about it immediately. Instead of hiring a professional to analyze your site and figure out how to make it operate at its best, consider choosing a WordPress plugin like WP Rocket.

That isn’t to be confused with a WP red rocket. That’s a plugin that is probably used to help you jerk off. Get your mind off of jacking off for two seconds and focus! WP Rocket can easily make your WordPress site speed up and operating better than ever. Seconds matter when it comes to your site loading from one page to another. Allowing visitors and customers alike to navigate properly makes all the difference. Ensure they get the proper experience by keeping your site running smoothly, and never worry about losing customers just because your site is slower than…you know…it takes Ron Jeremy to get a hard-on.

The best way to keep your WordPress site running at its best

Your website is like anything else that requires regular maintenance. After a while, it can start running sluggishly and slower than its former self. It’s much like a vehicle: when you notice that your automobile is barely taking off at the stop sign, it’s time to give it some care.

The same applies to your website. And if you have a WordPress website, speeding up your site and ensuring that it operates at its very best is fucking simple thanks to WP Rocket. With just a few simple clicks, WP Rocket can have it running correctly.

While it may not seem like a big deal – after all, who gives a fuck about an extra second or two of load times – keep in mind that seconds count when it comes to load times. If your site seems like it’s hanging or is taking even a second longer to load in some cases, this can be enough to make visitors click the ‘Back’ button and go elsewhere. Yeah, people don’t have any goddamn patience, but what the fuck are you going to do?

Using a plugin like WP Rocket can make a huge difference in conversion rates and especially your search engine optimization (SEO) ranking. Keeping people from getting infuriated and leaving your site all the while convincing them to keep exploring and seeing everything that your adult site has to offer will make a hell of a difference.

One of the things that impressed my ass the most is that it’s fucking idiot-proof. Look, speeding up your website – even if it’s a WordPress site or not – can be fucking brutal for the site owner that knows nothing about how websites work. Optimizing your database for starters is something that takes a fuck load of time, a little bit of knowledge, and patience as you mind-numbingly optimize your site.

Even then, who the hell can say that you did a good job in the first place? Maybe you missed something. Beyond that, you still probably cannot do as good of a job as WP Rocket. Case in point: it will cache your Web pages better than you ever could. Right out of the gate, this amazing WP plugin can already do a fucking better job than you ever could at maintaining your site, you dunce!

Automated page caching

Okay, don’t get asshurt at me for insulting your role as a site owner. I’m sure you're fine, but let’s get goddamn real here. We live in the 21st century: technology can do shit better than we ever could! WP Rocket is a perfect example, and it’s hard to find a better indicator for this than how WP Rocket automates page caching for WordPress sites.

Page caching allows every page of your website to be pre-loaded. Once it’s pre-loaded, each page loads fast as fuck, shaving literal milliseconds off of your load times. If your site is slower than your grandmother bringing herself to an orgasm, it may even take off a second or two of loading time, which is a crazy amount of time.

Not only will WP Rocket pre-load your pages, so visitors do not have to wait for a page of your site to load, but WP Rocket’s crawler will simulate a visit to your site, pre-load the cache, to which your site will be indexed to search engines like Google even faster. This will increase your site ranking and put your site in even better standing with the top search engines on the Web. That alone makes WP Rocket worth the cost of admission, as it makes your brand even more competitive with the other adult sites out there in your niche that are trying to eat your goddamn lunch.

Load only what you see

Have you ever visited a porn picture site that promised hot, fucking content only to find that all of the images are loading simultaneously? How goddamn annoying is that? What’s the point of an image loading way down the page when you are still waiting for the images at the top of the page to load?

It does not make any sense, and this should never fucking happen in the first place. WP Rocket makes certain that it does not by only loading images and content that you currently see on the page. The technique is actually called LazyLoading, and it’s employed by big tech companies like YouTube. You don’t have to hire a fucking engineer to make it happen for your site, though. WP Rocket makes it all happen within the plugin itself, ensuring you that your site never loads anything that isn’t needed at the moment.

Not only does this ensure that things that do not need to load are kept dormant, but it’s an amazing way to truly optimize your WordPress site. WP Rocket lightens the load even further by decreasing the size of your HTML, Javascript, and CSS files. This ensures that they are not bloated and work as optimally as the rest of your site. Now let me ask you again: can you do any of that yourself? No, I didn’t fucking think so!

Totally affordable

If you think that literal rocket fuel for your WordPress site will cost you a ridiculous amount of money, well think again, you dense mother fucker! WP Rocket is pretty goddamn inexpensive, running at only $49 per year for one site. If you need the plugin for three websites, that will cost you $99 per year. For an unlimited number of websites, you will have to pay $249 annually. That last tier may be pretty fucking steep, but if you have six or more sites and you want to apply the plugin to each of them, you’re getting a pretty goddamn good deal going the unlimited route.

Even if you have one WordPress site, the cost of an annual license does not outweigh the need for this plugin. If you care about keeping it running at its best and gaining all of the advantages from that (if you don’t, you should), you need to add WP Rocket to your site. You won’t regret it, especially knowing that it keeps your database running optimally.

Optimizes your database per your schedule

Your website is just like your desktop and mobile devices. Over time, it can start to operate slowly and become a ghost of its former self. Proper maintenance is mandatory, yet that can be fucking difficult and time-consuming to accomplish on your website. As you've already discovered, there are many reasons for this, one of which is your database running slowly.

You need to optimize your database regularly. WP Rocket makes it happen by routinely optimizing and cleaning up your database, so it works properly. You can schedule this within WP Rocket pretty fucking easily – on par with the rest of the functions of WP Rocket.

Your database is optimized right along with the rest of the site for mobile users as well. WP Rocket allows users to cache the site for mobile users by creating cache files separate for mobile users. This means that your page does not automatically load the same for each device, and loads optimally depending on the device that is accessing your site.

Optimally is the keyword that best pertains to WP Rocket as you can see, and it’s proven time and again the more you use it. No matter if you want your site to be competitive with other websites in your niche via SEO ranking, you want your visitors to stay on your adult site, or you simply want your adult site to load faster, WP Rocket can strap rocket fuel to your site and make it happen!

Suggestions:

WP Rocket is a WordPress plugin that optimizes and ensures that your adult site is running smoothly. While it would have been nice to see a fourth pricing tier for those that have between 4-6 sites, it’s hard to find anything to bitch about. WP Rocket is simple and it just works, and it’s hard to fucking complain about that.