LELO Blog

When it comes to advertising your porn site, porn blogs are one of the best ways to do it. Many have a thriving community of passionate porn heads trading war stories and sharing tips and tricks. You don’t find any casuals on a porn blog. Casuals visit one of three tube sites, eject their load of semen and return to vanilla life until the next time the beast knocks. Real men stick around after the fight because they know the next battle is right around the corner. You can’t let yourself go rusty running errands and maintaining a household. You have to stay in the pocket, the pocket pool pocket.

Porn blogs vary wildly in content and fanbase. You can find everything from high culture to the dredges of society. Fucking is one of the few things that bind us all in the cosmic web of life. This universe is full of wonders, isn’t it? The least of which surely isn’t the naked body of a tight silky teen. Or the experienced gaze of a milf with her legs spread open, ready to accept your seed.

Blogs are a Light House to Pervs

One thing holds true regardless of the blog. You will always find great content. If you keep up, you will be the first to see the newest releases from major porn studios. Not only that, you will be one of few people ever to see tons of homemade amateur content. Ninety percent of amateur porn never makes it to a major tube site. You have to find it on blogs or out in the wild.

If you are the webmaster for an erotic literature site and you’re not advertising on blogs, you’re a fucking moron. Erotic literature fans flock to blogs to read stories from amateur strangers to prominent authors alike. By throwing up a couple of samples, you can potentially attract thousands of new eyes to your content and, therefore, your advertisers.

There are a million reasons you should be all over blogs evangelizing your good name, and Lelo is a great place to do it. Lelos porn blog is called Volonte, and if you can’t tell from the title, it’s a bit fancy. Imagine if Vogue had a threesome with Playboy and Hustler while Cosmo watched and flicked the bean in the corner.

I don’t mind a little pomp pending the site is full of perverts and trust me, it is full of perverts. Fancy people are the most perverted. That’s why they wear tuxes. It’s like camouflage hiding their true selves.

But behind closed doors, they like to swim in septic tanks while wearing a gimp suit and nipple clamps. They like to don high heels and crawl inside desiccated ungulate remains. They like to pour owl blood up their asses and shit it into each other’s mouths. It’s some fucked up twisted shit. How do I know? Don’t you think people with unlimited resources would hire the greatest porn genius in the world to help them make their sick fantasies come to life? It’s my highly lucrative side gig.

The Volonte aesthetic exudes higher-class debauchery. The black and white pallet is reminiscent of a party where coattails are required. The main menu is in the header and includes the options Home, Tips, Toys, Positions, Love, Stories, Podcasts, news, and a search bar.

The center of the page is taken up by article thumbnails organized by most recently added. At the bottom is room to write to Volonte staff and sign up for the email newsletter. Finally, the footer holds links to their social media accounts.

Let’s check out some of the articles. I know my readers are in desperate need of sex tips they will probably never use. Even if you do somehow get laid, you’ll cum way before you get a chance to institute any technique. But you might as well know them anyways. It’s like buying a lotto ticket. You’re never going to win, but you buy them to experience some hope.

There are tips for everyone, no matter how vanilla or kinky your sex gets. There is even plenty of masturbation suggestions for all my sexless readers. I’m sorry, just saying my readers would have been sufficient. The most recent article as of writing this review is titled “How to milk your prostate in five easy steps. In case you’re curious, those steps are as follows.

Step one: Prepare for ultimate safety. Please don’t forget to cut your nails. The last thing you want is a tear along your O-ring wide open. It will make shitty an unbearable experience for at least a week. Plus, wounds on the anus tend to get infected easily, what with all the poop and stuff.

Step two: Get comfortable. Before you can fit any objects inside your asshole, you need to relax. If your asshole muscles are engaged, it will be like trying to put a round peg in the square hole. So lay down, put on some nice music, and light some candles. You know, faggy stuff.

Step three: Insert a finger. As you can imagine, you don’t want to start dabbling into ass play by ramming a toilet brush into your digestive tract. Start small and slow with your own finger. You will need to push about four inches back before reaching the walnut-sized prostate. When you first poke it, you might feel the urge to pee. Piss beforehand, so you don’t get that tissue covered in yellow instead of white.

Step four: Come hither. Once you have a finger or two inside and up against the prostate, you can start making a come hither motion. This is said to produce the most stimulating results. To add to the sensation, you or a partner (AKA you) can stimulate other erogenous zones like your ears or, of course, your Jimmy Johnson.

Step five: Prostate massagers. Step five isn’t a required maneuver, but if you like the feeling of your fingers, you will love the feeling of a purpose-built prostate massager. Think a vibrator but for straight men. Many massagers tend to be larger than two fingers, so take it slow and stop if it hurts.

Assholes, Septic Tanks, and Your Dead Grandmother

I bet your website is full of content about fingering your asshole. It’s how you spend most of your time. People behind you in line at the grocery store self-checkout are horrified by what your hand is doing in your pants. I hope you don’t plan on punching buttons with that index finger.

If you’re not a fan of assholes, there are plenty of other tips on Volonte. If you need reassurance that you’re not as weird as you think you are, there are articles like “Here are 21 Weirdest Kinks People Have.” Your passion for taking dips in septic tanks won’t sound so weird after reading about spectrofilia. Have you ever pretended to fuck a ghost? Given the prevalence of incest porn these days, I assume any spectrofilia you’re fantasizing about involves your dear dead Grandmother—you sick bastards.

There’s one fetish here I know none of you take part in, no matter how disgusting you are, Katoptronophilia is a fetish for watching yourself fuck or masturbate. You guys are sick but not so sick to be turned on by your vile, fat, bulbous, sweaty, stinky bodies. I’d rather light my sack on fire than see you naked.

CBT is more of my readers’ vibe. You all hate yourself so much that cock and ball tortures seems an appropriate punishment. I bet if you make a deal with yourself to clamp your balls every day that the traffic to your website doesn’t increase, you will become the most famous porn site owner in no time.

At first glance, Volonte looks as if it likes the smell of its own shit. They look like the essence of that South Park episode where everyone farts into a wine glass and sniffs it. Yet, despite the appearance, Volonte is as twisted and disturbed as any of us. They just like to hide it behind a veneer of filigree.

It’s that filigree you can tap into by posting promo articles. Their trustworthiness can become yours. Otherwise, you’re a sketchy fuck, so you need all the validity you can get. No matter what you like to talk about on your site, you will find a home for it on Volonte.

If I were a member of their admin staff, I would suggest making an author category so people could read other articles by their favorite writers. It would be a chance to highlight you and your website, plus it would add to their fancy feel.

I find it hard to believe any of my readers can write, but if your website proves me wrong, posting promo articles on Volonte can increase your traffic exponentially.