Discord

It says dot com, but you know what I’m on about – this is the world’s fastest-growing app right now. People are flocking to Discord almost as fast as they jumped on Zoom during the 2020 pandemic. Discord is here to stay. It took nearly 20 years, but someone finally figured out that we need an audio and video communications app that didn’t suck donkey dick and that’s Discord, ladies and gentlemen.

Before that, we had Google Hangouts, Skype, MSN Messenger and some other nonsense that’s too old for me even to list. Did you know Microsoft Windows 95 had online video conferencing all the way in 1996? I’m not lying; look it up. It was called Net Meeting and it was absolutely dreadful.

My bottom line is this: We had to wait 20 years since then for Discord to come out and show people that we can communicate over the internet without having to scream, “Can you hear me? I can’t see you. HELLO!?” over our microphones like a couple of spastic geriatrics. Discord works exactly as it is advertised and it never craps out. Quote me on that: I have never had Discord crap out on me. I’ve never seen it crash. I’ve never had it lag. It never disconnected me. And I’ve been in chats with dozens of people at a time. This communications app is the one to end all other apps and I’m just waiting for the day when we’re all using Discord for every single form of communication.

Basic Communication

I’ll take this one step at a time. First up, Discord is a basic communications app built around modern expectations. That means you get video, audio and screen sharing with no limitations. You can cram in up to 99 individuals at a time and they can all make use of these features. Can you imagine using this bad boy for conference calls, because I sure can. The entire interface is built around this idea of zero limitations. You don’t think before you use Discord. You just do whatever needs to be done.

There are alternatives for corporate communication, of course, but why wouldn’t you use Discord? It’s fucking free. And, they’re still making money hand over fist. I’ll get to the premium features in a bit, but let me first wrap up the basics. You get high-quality audio that is incomparable to the garbage you get with other apps. I don’t know why it is the way that it is. I genuinely don’t understand it. Skype and Facebook both have a lot more money than Discord. Monopolies own them. And they still give you worse audio. I know it’s not my microphone, damn it. It’s the damn connection. It’s weak, it’s weird, it often overlaps and I hate it. I never want to use any other app for audio communication other than Discord. It’s even better than using your regular damn phone connection.

Server Control and Admin Tools

Discord has better server management tools than half of all corporate-level team management websites I’ve used in the past. And, it’s all built in a tongue in cheek joking kind of way that lets you develop your own internal systems of administration. You decide the types of users you support. You define what they can see and where they’re allowed to go.

You can have as many textual and multimedia channels as you’d like and funnel appropriate teams to those rooms. This isn’t amateur hour. If you’re running a large scale operation, you can have entire sections for each member of your company. This app can completely replace Slack for you, if you’d like that. You can also integrate it with Slack and use them both. It’s outstanding.

There’s also the option to configure the quality and protocols of damn near every feature on your server. You can increase and lower the sound quality per channel, in case you care about bandwidth. Maybe some of your boys are operating from a remote location in the Arctic and they’re only getting 64Kbps. Fuck it, go retro. Make a 64Kbps channel just for them. The world is your oyster when you’re using Discord.

I especially like the amount of external modding compatibility and the abundance of add-ons that you’re free to inject into your Discord server. You’re basically making your own communications app at that point. It’s all custom-tailored to your day-to-day, because you’re the one configuring it. And, the app is perfect out of the box as well. It’s mind-blowing.

Some Advanced Features

This should kind of fly beneath the radar, in a perfect world, but this is not a perfect world. I mentioned Skype and Facebook earlier as examples of audio communication apps that suck. Well, Discord is superior on a bad day. But, if you use some of the advanced features that are available, you pretty much take it the extra mile and get voice control that is impossible to beat.

They’ve got this new noise suppression tool made by an external team that is a real game-changer. It was developed by some company named Krisp and it’s nothing more and nothing less than a professional grade intelligent voice compressor and noise gate. How it works is, it learns the timbre of your voice and mutes your input until it hears you speak. That means that if you’ve got a lot of noise in the background, no matter how loud it is, if it doesn’t sound exactly like your personal voice, you won’t be fucking up the chat for everyone else.

You are, of course, allowed to use push-to-talk, in case you’d like to keep things professional and you could straight up just mute yourself, or mute individual people if for whatever reason you don’t want to hear from them. Hell, you can set volume levels for every single person, in case they’re just a bit too loud for you. We are truly living in the future. And, all of these features can be mapped to keys on your mouse or keyboard. This is the most streamlined communications app out there, period.

Making Mad Money

Ok, don’t tell anyone I told you this, but you can actually use Discord to make money. I don’t know how this works within your porn empire schema, but you might be able to finagle a combination of some sort. What I’ve seen so far is people like to develop Discord servers that are so irresistible, you’d pay to be a part of them. Do you know those girls on Instagram that also have an OnlyFans? The ones that sell nudes of themselves. Well, they have Discords, usually. And, those Discord servers cost money to join.

Except, you’re not allowed to charge membership directly, so you could just say that it’s the exclusive Discord server for all OnlyFans followers. That way, you’re encouraging people to pay money in order to be in the same server as you, without charging them at the door.

It’s an amazing way of encouraging donations and memberships, especially if your porn empire is community-driven. For example, if you’re running a porn forum, this should be a no-brainer. You can have a premium membership tier on an otherwise free forum and only the premium boys can enter the Discord. Or, you could let anyone join, but bar them from the audio servers. You could also share some hot new media on those channels, to entice people to join as fast as possible so they can get their hands on tit pics the very second they’re available. It’s a great system.

Discord Nitro

This is how they break even. They charge a premium across three different tiers, letting both users and server owners benefit from some advanced features. None of these are must-haves and I appreciate that. You get some silly shit like custom emojis and the ability to spam as many of the bloody things as you want. But, there are also some technical upsides like extremely high bandwidth for audio calls, up to around 384Kbps.

You can also bump up the size limit on image uploads to a whopping 100MB. That might not sound like a lot, but consider this: Anyone can post as many images as they want and they stay on the damn server for all to see. You could have thousands of members. Don’t tell me that this isn’t a steal. It’s worth every penny, especially if you’re making money off of the server. Discord has everything you could possibly ask for from a communications app and I wholeheartedly recommend it.